It's a New Day

Today is one of them days that i am very glad each day is a new start.  It's time for me to start taking steps to learn to love myself and be proud of who i am in the past i have always thought i need a man in my life to be loved today i say TOO HELL WITH THAT.

My first relationship with a man lasted 14 years i didn't know any other life got married had babys thought it was going to be the only life i ever know it was a relationship of abuse, in every form and even knowing i was not happy I thought my world had ended the day he walked out on me and the kids for another woman with the last words out of his mouth I Love you but i am not in love with you any more what the hell  what happend to for better or worse till death I had sure been living in the worst and dealing with it.

After spending about a year and a hafe alone I ended up in another relationship and who would have ever thought it would be with my Ex's best friend since school.  He was always there he know my life and the way i was treated he told me storys about how he was against what my EX had done and that he would never ever hit me or treat me like that. I desided i didn't want to spend my life alone my children always had him around so it would not be so hard on them. I would learn to let go of my past and learn to be ok with loving my ex's best friend I was so wrong. 

Most best friends have something in common will after a great honeymoon start I Belived this could work.  It was not long before i learned what they had in common and all the promise's went out the window.  The hitting started and things just went from there now almost 6 years later i am facing another big change in my life leaving a on again off again relationship that is sucking the life out of me I have know a few months ago i wanted to and it but out of fear of change i have spent a few months telling myself maybe it could work no it can't back and forth sick of it.  Enough is Enough its time to face my biggest fear ...Facing the fact that i may be alone for the rest of my life and finding the love i need from within myself.

I once asked my Grandma why she never redated or married after my grandfather's passing at a very young age.  She told me you get use to being alone but what is the point of looking for love when you have already loved the best.  I have never forgot that she was alone but new what true love was.  Me I have never known true love not with a partner. my first partner i was 14, young didn't know any better and was about to have a baby.  My second was out of fear of another life and the unknown better life.  now i don't belive i ever well learn what love feels like till i learn to love myself so i can set a standerd for the way i know i should be treated. 

It's time for change and change is very hard for me but this time I AM WORTH THE CHANGE. no matter what any man says